You’ve already received the challenge for Day 4, but because of our mistake in sending it a day early, we are sending this is as a Day 4 “Bonus Challenge”. This challenge should be pretty easy to complete from a time and energy standpoint, but it may be a bit difficult because it’s going to force you to critically think about yourself and your relationship.
The entire goal of #14DaysOfConnecting is to help you to increase your connection with your spouse. Or, to put it another way, to build unity between you and your spouse. One way that happens is through the conversations you have with your spouse.
Day 4 “Bonus Challenge” – Have a Deep Conversation
The information below will set the tone for the conversation. Once you’ve read the information, spend at least 15 minutes discussing your thoughts about it and what you think you can do better to build more unity/connection in your marriage.
There are some questions at the end to help you get the conversation going.
The Impact of Unity
Mark 10:7-8 says, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.
The two becoming one flesh isn’t just a physical concept. Your entire beings are to become united. Why? Let me explain with the following example.
Belgian draft horses are some of the strongest horses in the world. One horse can pull 8,000 lbs. When you put two horses together that are strangers, they can pull 20,000 – 24,000 lbs. Just by coming together, two horses that are strangers can pull up to three times what one individual horse can pull.
Hopefully, you see the correlation to your marriage. Two strangers working together are much more impactful than one alone. But there’s another interesting part to the story. When you take the two horses and train them together and when they become unified, they no longer pull up to three times what an individual horse can pull.
They pull 30,000 – 32,000 lbs – four times what an individual horse can pull. So why does that verse above say the goal is to become united? Because you are better individuals when you are united. (If you want to read more about the horses and 5 ways to build unity here’s an older post.)
Common sense tells us this is true and we can see it in the world around us. Think about a dominating sports team. The team doesn’t dominate because of one player. Sure, one player can have a huge impact, but it’s the team – a unified team as a whole – that dominates. And society applauds the team for their effort.
Society doesn’t applaud marriages that put in the effort to become unified and impactful. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t put in the effort. A unified marriage has a huge impact on:
- The two individuals in the marriage
- The children in the marriage
- The extended family
- The world as a whole
The reason society doesn’t applaud unified marriages is because by continually working on your marriage and putting effort into your marriage, you’re setting a higher standard, a higher standard that they aren’t really interested in meeting.
Your First Question
What can you start doing (or stop doing) right now that will help build more unity in your marriage? By asking you that question, I just set a higher standard, and you might be a little bit uncomfortable with the question.
Many people will answer with, “I don’t know.”, but what they really mean is “I don’t want to answer.” Fight that urge.
You have been blessed to share life with someone, someone that is there to encourage you, support you, pick you up when you’re down, to laugh with you, to cry with you, to experience life with you. Embrace it and build it. Work together. Grow together. Become better together. Impact the world together.
Here are a few questions to help you get the conversation started. They are simply meant to start the conversation. You don’t have to answer any of them, or you can answer all of them. Ask your spouse:
- What did you think about this post? (Don’t send your answer to me – I’m too sensitive. Not really.)
- Do you agree with the concept that if we’re unified we are much better / impactful?
- What was the one idea that stuck out the most? Why?
- As we were reading through this, what popped into your head as something that you can work on?
- What is something we can work on doing (or not doing) as a team?
- What is something I can work on that I’m not seeing? (Be careful. This isn’t an opportunity to tear into your spouse and to focus on all of your wants and needs. Build your spouse up. Don’t tear him/her down. Encourage improvement and excellence. Instead of answering with “You never…”, “You always…”, etc., answer with something like, “Lately I’ve noticed that you…”)
It’s work to build unity in your marriage. Signing up for these challenges says you’ve recognized that and you’re willing to put in the effort. Take at least 15 minutes to talk about this – see where the conversation goes.
Don’t forget to share your thoughts and comments with us on our Facebook page. If you liked this challenge will you share it or forward it to a friend?