A Husband’s Letter To His Wife

To my dearest wife,

We’ve talked a lot about how we are different. It’s one of the many things that adds excitement to our marriage. I love that we are so different because I think it makes us a better team. But there’s one way that I wish we weren’t different. I wish we weren’t different in the way that we both see you.

Husband's Letter To His Wife

I wish you would see you the way I see you. I try to tell you all the time, but my comments typically get brushed off. So, I’m hoping this note will cause you to pause and really take my comments to heart.

You don’t like the way you look in the mirror, but I don’t look at you in the mirror. I’m completely aware that you’re not the same woman that I married. I know you’ve gained a few pounds. I know the kids did things to your body that we didn’t think imaginable before we had kids. I know you have wrinkles, stretch marks, cellulite. (For the record, I’m not the same man you married.)

But even though I know you have those, as our culture puts it, “flaws”, I don’t see them. That’s not what I notice when I look at you. I don’t notice the pile of clothes needing folded that you drop next to me or the shoes that I almost trip over. What makes you think I see all of those things that bother you so much?

What I really notice is your confidence. It’s hard to admit, but when your confidence is low I’m less attracted to you. That doesn’t mean I love you less. It’s just not as attractive when you’re down. On the flip side, when your confidence is high, my radar is lighting up – whoop! whoop! This woman is hot!

There is nothing like seeing you walk into a room, full of confidence, with that beautiful smile beaming. I don’t know that I will ever be able to put that feeling into words. But I can tell you that it is truly awesome.

You’re always working on reducing or eliminating those “flaws”. I wish you would spend that time and effort working on your confidence. I think it’s sexy and it’s better for you anyway.

I also think it’s awesome that you exercise, but I wish you did it for different reasons. You do it to try to lose weight or to try to reshape your body into some perceived better shape or into your old self. I wish you did it simply because it’s good for you.

If you lose weight, great. If you don’t, oh well. Losing weight shouldn’t be the point or the goal. You should exercise so you feel better about yourself and because you know it’s good for you.

You don’t see it, but you are a completely different person when you feel good about yourself. How you feel about yourself is directly tied to your confidence, and in the same way, when you feel good about yourself I’m much more attracted to you.

Our society and media define what a woman is supposed to look like. They’re wrong. They do that because it helps them sell more stuff. They don’t really know what a real woman is or what she’s supposed to look like.

I know what a real woman is. I know what a real woman is supposed to look like. A woman is supposed to look just like you. A woman isn’t defined by the shape of her body or by flawless skin. A woman is defined only by herself.

I think one of the biggest reasons I’m more attracted to you when your confidence is high is because I know during those moments it’s you that is defining you. It’s you that is in control. It’s you saying to the world, “This is me. Take it or leave it.”

I’ll definitely take it. I love you more than you’ll ever know.

Your husband

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2 thoughts on “A Husband’s Letter To His Wife

  1. Taryn,
    When you read this letter at retreat this weekend I felt as if this was speaking directly to me. Thank you so much for sharing this and thank you to the person it was written to/from for allowing Taryn to share this beautiful letter. I know that it hit home with a lot of women at the retreat who are at a place in their lives where we need to hear this so that it makes us feel better/more beautiful/worthy as a wife, mother and woman.
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing.

    • Tammy, thank you for sharing your thoughts. It hit me equally as hard and I was honored to be able to present it as part of the session at retreat.
      We all struggle, so to see ourselves from the perspective of another – specifically our spouses – is a true gift!