My daughter encouraged, begged and pleaded with me to read the book Divergent by Veronica Roth. She finally broke me down, and over spring break I read it. Of course I started the second book in the trilogy as soon as I finished the first. Now I’m almost finished with the final book.
While reading the book this morning I came across two these two paragraphs:
I used to think that when people fell in love, they just landed where they landed, and they had no choice in the matter afterward. And maybe that’s true of beginnings, but it’s not true of this, now.
I fell in love with him. But I don’t just stay with him by default as if there is no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me.
Reading that reminded me of a section M. Scott Peck’s The Road Less Traveled. For what it’s worth, I highly recommend Peck’s book. In it, he discusses the difference between the early stages of “love” and true love. In the early stages, it’s actually not love. It’s much more of an infatuation. The relationship runs almost entirely on feeling and emotion.
It only truly becomes love when, after much of the feeling, emotion, and newness rubs off, we still want and CHOOSE to remain with the person. True love happens when we choose that person over all of the others. When we choose and when we WANT to be with the person.
If your relationship is relying purely on emotion and feeling, what are you going to do when it’s not there? (There will be times when it’s not there.) You need to make sure you CHOOSE to be with your spouse, every day, no matter what, intentionally.