Who doesn’t like the movie “Top Gun”? In discussing with friends the top movies of our generation, this is one that always makes the cut. It is one of my favorite movies of all time, and it also has a lot of really great quotes, too. I can’t hear the words “the need for speed” without flashing back to Mave & Goose.
If you really want a trip back in time, take a quick peek here.
For whatever reason, that came to mind as I was thinking of this blogpost. We all feel the need for something.
We all have a need for approval. No matter how social or nonsocial we are, we all want others to regard us favorably. In other words, we are all seeking to be approved by other people.
There is nothing inherently wrong with having this need. In fact, I believe this is part of us as human beings and part of our survival instinct. But sometimes if we aren’t thinking about it, we do silly things to fulfill this need.
For example, sometimes we use Facebook to find approval from others. Have you ever updated your status with the intent to see how many comments and likes you can get?
I recently read an article about kids’ self worth being tied directly to the number of likes they get on their Instagram photos. “Well, I have 142 followers, but Laura has 231. She also has 54 more likes on her latest post.” Some kids are so consumed with the number of likes that they get on their posts that they find ways to increase those numbers.
According to quicksprout.com, you can maximize the number of Instagram followers and likes faster than if you just shared your shots randomly by following the guidelines below.
-Taking multiple lifestyle and personal images
-Combining those images into one with Diptic
-Using no filters on the image
-Using the tag #love
-Posting at 5 PM, PST, on Monday
Here’s the thing. Seeing likes and comments on posts isn’t just a “kid” thing. We adults do this same thing, too. There is instant gratification when the likes and comments start coming. The basic need that we all have – the need for approval – is met quickly. It’s validation that what we put up is good, and this leads directly back to us. It gives us the “I am good. I am liked.” feeling.
The real questions is this. Where should we be getting our need for approval met? Instead of getting it met superficially through social media and other people, we should be getting our needs met at home, specifically from our spouse. We can post on Facebook and other social media as much as we want, and we might feel good about all of the comments and likes, but is that really where we are looking to find approval?
Take a moment to think about this. What do you want your spouse to notice about you? Make a mental (or better yet – written) list of these things, then sit down for a conversation. Chances are that your spouse has a very similar list. When we know in what areas our spouse needs approval, we can work to help meet these needs. This makes for a better person and overall a better relationship.
How does your spouse fulfill your need for approval?